You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
