I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
