I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
