hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
BRING THE BAGELS
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
