What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
