After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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