Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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