My first STD was from a foam party
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
