he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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