I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize