I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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