I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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