Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
