I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
