Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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