lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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