when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
