no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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