My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
