I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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