i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
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"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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