Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
