i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
