Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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