Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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