he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
