I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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