checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
