i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I looked at my own cervix.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
