I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
