Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
