Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
