I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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