Already got asked if we're dating
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
