she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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