Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
