i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She bit a glass in half.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
