Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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