Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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