I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
