We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
