I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
