I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
