I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
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omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
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nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
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