Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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