Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
