Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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