Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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