but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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