I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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