i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
