i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
