she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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