oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
