So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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