addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
