Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
