There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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