you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
