I feel like I'm in dance class right now
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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