Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
