there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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