She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
