I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
