Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
