so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
