I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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