Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
