wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
