I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Still dying that you shit outside
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
