went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
