Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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