Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
