Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
