I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
