I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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