Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
