i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize