i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
