I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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