It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
