I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
