You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
