So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
